Vicky’s Story: Mother first, therapist second, and lupus warrior last.

For many with chronic illnesses, it’s often hard to see past your condition, especially during flare-ups. At the same time, it’s common to minimize a diagnosis in an effort not to burden friends and family. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. When I sat down with Victoria (aka Vicky), she shared how she often focused on her beautiful family and rewarding career, leaving lupus as an afterthought.

Vicky, a Providence, RI resident, has always called New England home. Born and raised in Massachusetts, she now lives in Rhode Island’s capital with her husband and two children. She’s a licensed therapist and the owner of a private practice, Stories Told Counseling, LLC, as she builds a new life and a sense of community in her adopted hometown.

The road to diagnosis

At a young age, Vicky was diagnosed with a rare skin disease that made life challenging early on. A few years later, severe joint pain set in, leading her to consult a rheumatologist in search of answers. It was a long road to diagnosis. Although her symptoms pointed to a connective tissue disease, limited markers meant she spent three years without a definitive answer. Despite this, her symptoms were severe enough to start treatment with hydroxychloroquine, which remains her main treatment today.

Without a clear diagnosis, Vicky found herself in a "Googling black hole," desperate for answers and support. At 21, she was finally diagnosed with lupus—a moment that brought immense relief. Having a name for her condition meant everything.

Learning to live with lupus

Since her diagnosis, life has been somewhat steady, but it’s a delicate balance. Vicky has learned to adapt to lupus as her “new normal.” Even now, she finds herself minimizing her condition—even to her doctors. It wasn’t until her rheumatologist presented her with a checklist of symptoms that she realized just how much she was experiencing daily. Lupus is often called an invisible disease because the struggle isn’t outwardly visible. Vicky admitted that, at times, her medication allowed her to pretend lupus wasn’t part of her life. However, the truth is that without it, the fatigue and joint pain become unbearable. Accepting her condition has been an ongoing process.

Living with lupus also means learning not to compare yourself to others. For Vicky, that often means acknowledging that her husband can run more errands or exercise more frequently, while she has to take life at a slower pace. Finding the strength to give herself grace in those moments has been essential.

Perseverance through motherhood

Now, at 34, Vicky has lived with lupus for over a decade. While some stages of life have been harder than others, she’s deeply grateful that her case is relatively mild. Her greatest accomplishments—and understandably so—are her two successful pregnancies. Both pregnancies were considered high risk, requiring extra doctor’s appointments, tests, and medical monitoring that drained her time and energy. Her second pregnancy was particularly challenging, as she juggled the demands of caring for a toddler while managing the stress of a high-risk pregnancy.

Embracing the whole story

As a therapist, Vicky often reflects on the advice she might give to someone in her situation: seek out community, connect with others who understand, and extend yourself patience and grace. Yet during our conversation, she realized how easy it is to pour energy into the roles of mother and therapist while trying to push lupus into the background.

Over time, Vicky has come to understand that ignoring or minimizing her condition isn’t the answer. Lupus doesn’t define her, but it’s an undeniable part of her story—one she is learning to honor with courage and acceptance.

Vicky’s journey is a testament to resilience and perseverance. Balancing life as a mother, therapist, and lupus warrior, she continues to redefine what strength looks like. To all lupus warriors: your condition is a part of you, but it doesn’t define you. It’s one chapter in a larger story of resilience and living life on your terms.